Monday, November 03, 2014

Reality is in your head

Reality is in your head

February 16, 2010 at 10:40pm
An athiest that I know once told me that guilt-based moralty is basically archaic and is fatally flawed. I had asked him what I normally ask athiests: "Well, why don't you just run around and act evil and destroy and steal and do whatever if there's no Hell or Heaven or God? What's stopping you?" And he explained that fear of punishment shouldn't be the deciding factor in your actions. Growing up Catholic and being very involved in religion and being interested in creation myths, spirituality, and mysticism since I was young all seemed for a while to leave me to fear athiests for a long time. The thought that there was no creator or purpose to life and that I might one day just not exist freaked the shit out of me. "There has to be something after death. There had to be something before birth. Otherwise, what's the point in a speck of dust or a universe even existing at all?"
But nowadays, I tend to shy away from religions, rituals, and dogma. As I get older, I'm more willing to accept that it is a possibility that there might not be a God, and there might be a time when I am not concious and never exist again. ALL I KNOW IS: I DON'T KNOW. Maybe is my final answer. I still have hope that there is a creator, but I'm also okay if there isn't. I'm mostly just happy to be healthy and alive. Don't forget that we're just a complex clump of chemicals that's floating around in space, which is mostly a whole heck of a lot of empty nothing, and it is utterly amazing and breathtaking to think that the conditions for life on this planet are precisely just right. We constantly forget how lucky we are.
Lately I tend to conceptualize life like this: Think about if you were God at the beginning of "time." What would your reality be? I think you'd be a conciousness in a blackness that stretches to eternity in every direction. You're just thoughts until you realize that you are alone. You are the only thing that exists. The sudden realization of this truth causes you to shatter yourself into a bazillion pieces and you send youself out into space in every direction. You are the Big Bang. In doing so, you split yourself into a continual array of infinite things both animate and inanimate and trick yourself into believing that you are not alone by dividing and dividing concurrently by small permutations and mutations into an ever-unfolding and ever-more complex reality. You are basically an organic mathematical equation that continually gets more and more complex. So, this is where my scenario get interesting. Some people think that everything is interconnected, and on one level (superstring theory) everything in the universe may be one long tangled twisting thread. Now suppose that time is non-linear, like a scribble in three dimensions, because some people conceptualize time as a straight line like a filmstrip where we are only experiencing one frame at a time, but I think that's an oversimplified way of thinking. So, I think you live your life as you and then you come back as that rock and then you come back as that old lady in the 1200's and then you come back as a pencil in 1940 and then you come back as a tree on some other planet... maybe this is only true of animate, or maybe only of concious beings, or maybe only plants and animals, it really doesn't matter, this is just an excerise in conceptualizing reality, life, and the universe... if you think of life in this way, you would want to treat everyone and everything with the utmost respect, wonder, awe, and amazement that each thing deserves. You ARE that koala bear, or rather, you will be or were once. You spent a lifetime as your Mom; you will spend a lifetime as Charles Manson; same for that frog; same for that flower. You are, were, and will be everything. You are the one eternal amazing unique everything that ever was and will be. This is basically a long-winded way to say not only, "Love your neighbor as yourself," but more importantly, "Love everything as yourself." Guilt doesn't factor into that way of thinking if you love everything as yourself, but that requires that you first love yourself.

Hypothetical Suicide Note (First Attempt)

Hypothetical Suicide Note (First Attempt)

Note about this note: relax... it's just a poem. I have often wondered if I ever got to a point where consciously leaving this plain/plane was an option the one thing that always always always smacked me back into "duh, I'd NEVER do that" mode is the realization that I'd have to write and likely spend years editing my final words to the world... and editing.... and editing... proofreading and then spellchecking... oh, god... so yeah... I always thought I'd never find the right and best and most final words that anyone who has ever done themselves out of reality have written... but. good news... or bad? I finally think I've collected enough negativity over the years to channel a proper suicide note that's worthy of reading. So, here it is... for what it's worth:

Hypothetical Suicide Note (First Attempt) by Derek William Carney (c)2014

Something so a miss as          this
Identity was lent to me
I dented thee like a rented key
Spun turning endlessly
Trapped in my mind's made maze
Mad at Hell no one could raise
Turned backs too high, err, powers?
Lost wasted misplaced hours      displaced
This place     This space



Disguised with smile crooked
Cruel-ly taped upon the face

The tears intermittently thwap... thwip... thwisp...
Stoned colder frozen frames
Reveal my self to myself
Dust-covered empty bottom shelf
Placed moments order blame
Trials have passed by so fast-
Seem lame in retrospect-
Unprotected the few and far between clearer moments overcame
And though I'll never be the same...

I'll never be the same.

I fall further   flow forgotten
Perpetual stumble- downtrodden
Tread waters 'til waves break me
Break free        make me
Take me near then far too deep
Too blind to hear the slaughtered sheep
Embrace my canine spirit tight
And wish forever sleep tonight
Kissed goodbye- gave up the fight
Quicksand slow motion
Lost the right to save what's left
of an old forgotten me
A rotted Willow tree
Never to know again what was heaven sent to thee:

This last and fading memory

What it always meant to    be       "Me."

A Calm Reflection Amidst Chaos

A Calm Reflection Amidst Chaos

A Calm Reflection Amidst Chaos
by Derek William Carney

Speaking louder doesn't make you right,
Quiet's surely the default mode of night,
Crickets know the temperature, or is that incidental,
Humans get heated 'cuz men are temperamental,
Instrumental nature can surely calm,
as Cammomile cammoflage, like Lavender balm,
Mental massage is a well-written verse,
The opposite is vulgar, dis, or a curse,
Keep your thoughts focused on the true and the good,
Because actions that follow, will follow, understood?
So be mindful of what you say and also how it's said,
and could you remember to pray for me
when you crawl into bed?
Cuz I'll pray for you, it's a simple deed,
to ask the universe to provide not what you want,
but what you need.