Sunday, August 05, 2007

concert behavior

1) Don't wear sandals or flip-flops. Are you a complete idiot? You're at a concert where big, sweaty, 'roided, meatheads are gonna start moshing and smashing into each other with no concern for your poor choice in unprotective footwear. After the Matisyahu/311 Unity Tour concert on Friday night, I counted at least 15 lonely flips, or flops... you know, one half of a pair of flip-flops.
I had to laugh at all the stupid kids hopping around on one foot after the show searching desperately for their lost shoes. If you do choose to be a complete idiot and wear sandals or flip-flops, then by all means DO NOT crowd surf. That's the best way to lose your shoes. Duh.

2) If you have a sprained or broken foot or arm or other injury, most venues have a special area for you to sit/stand safely. I saw this one girl crowd surf to the front and then she was hobbling away. I helped her get safely to the side and she was like, my foot is sprained. And sure enough, I looked down and her leg was wrapped with lots of gauze. WHY in the world would you be out in the middle of a sea of moshers with a wrapped leg and then crowd surf on top of that?!?!

3) Do not bring sharp objects or things that can poke people in the eye. This Asian guy was waving around a small Canadian flag with "311" written in marker all over it. He kept asking all the security guys if we would give it to the band. Hello? How did you manage to get that in here, in the first place? No, we won't hand it to the band. Do you really think they want a Canadian flag? I'm sure they can afford a stadium full of flags if they so desired to purchase them. I'm sure they've toured Canada many times. They're from Omaha, Nebraska... and likely they're not feeling any Canadian pride. Stupid Canadian.

4) Do not smoke pot in front of the security guys. Are you really that stupid? I caught at least 10 people smoking large glass "bowls" aka pipes and marijuana joints in the front row a few feet away from me. When I went to take one of the joints away from one girl, she later called me to her and admonished me for taking her joint. She said, "Why'd you take my joint? Fuck man, I thought you were gonna hit it and pass it back." Yeah, I'm gonna smoke pot in front of all of my co-workers and in front of 4,000 people at a concert while I'm working security. Ummmm, are you stupid?

5) If you're underage, do not drink before or at the concert. There's a reason that you're not allowed to legally drink. It's because you can't handle yourself, especially in public and you look like a complete fool stumbling around and tripping over anything and everything in your path.

6) People who start mosh pits are stupid. If you have all that pent up aggression inside you, maybe you should consider joining a wrestling team or start amateur boxing or mixed martial arts, because you're likely surrounded by a bunch of girls and older people who do not want to get hit 50 times by your sweaty meathead body while they are trying to listen to music.

7) People who crowd surf are even more stupid. You are an idiot. Crowd surfing is SO 1990's. Get over it. You are putting yourself in danger. You are putting all the people in the front 10 to 20 rows in danger. You could break their necks, kick them in the face, etc. etc. Crowd surfer, you have no respect for anyone, including yourself. The worst was the big, fat, shirtless, hairy guy who weighed well over 250 pounds. Dude, no one wants you crawling all over their heads, necks, and backs. Yuck.

8) Do not ask if we can get you backstage. No, we cannot. Security is here for your safety. The band doesn't talk to us. No one does. We cannot go backstage and neither can you. So, don't ask.

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